Top Ten Reasons To Tidy the House

10. The rats have issued you with an eviction notice
9. The carpet in the bathroom used to be lino
8. You have to clean mugs when people visit
7. Your house is fairly secure thanks to turrets of bin bags blocking access to all exits
6. You feel less nauseous eating your meals in the toilet than you do in the lounge
5. The folks across the street are complaining about the smell
4. You list ‘mountaineering’ as a hobby, despite rarely leaving the house
3. The landlord is paying you to stay
2. You need a GPS to find the bath
1. The council is approaching you to open up your residence as a tourist attraction

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